FUCK DOUBTING MYSELF. FUCK HEARTBREAK. FUCK NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH. FUCK SELF-LOATHING. FUCK TRYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE. FUCK BEING ALONE. FUCK SOCIETY'S SHIT.
I AM GOING TO BE ME.

Voila. New Years Resolutions.

Oh... and;
1. Wear red lipstick more often.
2. Buy a book per month.
3. Finish a novel.
4. Discover how to truly be myself.

Not based on a true story or anything.

I didn't see you there...

I would be lying if I said I haven't been having the shittiest month... I spent my time overseas totally in blissful awe but also racked with guilt and anger at a horrible position I have put myself in with a friend of mine; I broke his heart. I'm also totally in love with a boy who probably thinks I'm a little girl and wants nothing more than a quaint little friendship with me. And, due to some totally permenant events in the near future, this amazing boy will be walking out of my life forever, and really there is nothing I can do about it. I can tell him how I feel, but what will it do? Make things awkward between us? Ruin what little time I have left? (EDIT: Plus, I just found out he's in love with someone.)
God, things should be simple. We should fall in love and spend all our time laying in the summer sun and reading poetry. That is what should be happening, and, strangely enough, it is also what is NOT happening.
And I know everyone says it, blah blah blah, but love sucks shit.

I grew up with all these little ideologies about love and life, being told ever since I was a little girl that I will grow up and fall in love and get married and move into a house in the 'burbs and have a kid or two. Its like I've been spoonfed all these stupid ideas about love, and how it will make my dreams come true and complete me; but it's all just shit. Utter shit.

And I blame you, Disney, you bastards, giving me false hope with your happy endings. Prince Charming isn't real and even if he was he probably wouldn't love you.
And damn you Shakespeare, your pretty words and tragic storylines got me hook, line and sinker with this ridiculous theory! There is no love, not for people like me anyway.

I'm just a lonely, heart(breaking/broken), idiotic bitch. And I'm probably going to stay that way.

Also, it seems I'm not the only one. In my last poll, out of the 30 voters, 0 were 'in love'. 5 were atheists, 2 were pessimists and 2 were 'tired of it all'. Fricking hell I know how you feel.




Sorry for the lovelorn spammin' jammin' your inboxes, I just had to rant to someone.


Oh haiku, how original.

My summer heart burns
Until only ash is left
Smouldering away.

'Lame' is such a lame thing to say.